Let me paint you a picture. He walks into the kitchen. He has done nothing. He has said nothing. And yet, somehow, I want to throw the kettle at him.
The moment
It started small. The way he says “right then” before he stands up. The way he walks around the house like the floorboards owe him money. The jumper. Oh, the jumper.
Then it spread. His voice became annoying. His breathing became annoying. The way he chews, the way he loads the dishwasher, the way he asks “you alright?” in that tone that suggests he already knows I am not.
And here is the bit nobody says out loud: if he is annoying in the kitchen, he is annoying in the bedroom too. Anything more than a peck on the cheek? No, thank you. I would rather alphabetise the spice rack.
I started craving time on my own. Not a spa day. Just an empty house and silence. When he mentioned a weekend away with his mates, I helped him pack. When he went on holiday, a small and slightly guilty part of me wondered whether he really needed to come back.
If you are nodding right now, welcome. You are not a terrible person. You are very probably in perimenopause.
Why it happens
- Your hormones are all over the place. During perimenopause, hormone levels rise and fall unpredictably. The NHS lists mood swings and low mood among the common symptoms, and says menopause can have a big impact on relationships.
- You are running on empty. Broken sleep and night sweats make anyone irritable. It is hard to be patient with a loud breather at 7am when you were awake and soaked at 3am.
- Your sex drive can genuinely drop. Reduced libido is a recognised symptom. Vaginal dryness can also make sex uncomfortable or painful, which does not exactly put you in the mood. It is not in your head, and it can be treated.
- You need more space. Wanting time alone is very common when you are exhausted, overstimulated and carrying a lot. It does not automatically mean your relationship is over.
Try this
- Name it, together. Try: “It is not you, it is my hormones. Mostly.” A shared joke turns a row into a team effort.
- Book alone time on purpose. A walk, a long bath, an hour in the car with a podcast. Planned space beats snapping.
- Agree a code word. When you feel the rage rising, you say it. He gives you space, no questions, no sulking.
- Talk to your GP about the bedroom bit. Low libido and vaginal dryness are common and treatable, and options include HRT and vaginal oestrogen. You do not have to just put up with it.
- Send him this post. Most partners have no idea what is going on. A little understanding goes a long way.
Track it
Jot down your “he is getting on my last nerve” days alongside your sleep and your cycle. Many women spot a pattern, and a pattern is something you can take to your GP. Our Mood and Rage Tracker is coming soon: join the club to get it first.
And if the best part of your week right now is when he pops to the shop? We see you. We are laughing with you. And this phase does not have to last forever.
If your feelings about your relationship feel heavy rather than funny, or you feel low most days, please talk to your GP. You deserve proper support, not just a punchline.
Source: NHS, Symptoms of menopause and perimenopause. This post is personal experience and general information, not medical advice.